Monday, November 25, 2013

Healing from Traumatic Birth


June 29, 2013 at 2:53am my beautiful baby girl came into this world and changed my life forever. Although the way she came into this world was not of my choosing. Throughout my whole Pregancy we received prenatal care at a birth center were we wanted to have a natural water birth. The midwives gave us the greatest treatment and loved on us since we walked through the door. All I could dream about was giving birth to my daughter in an intimate setting with my husband there to catch her in the water. But as we all know life has a way of taking our plans, crumpling them up and burning them in the fire. Two weeks after my due date I finally started having mild contractions on June 27. My mom was there walking with me through the mall and being my support at home along with my doula and husband. Around 2pm on the 28 it was time to get to the birth center. Things were going wonderful. I got to walk and move around as I pleased. I got to eat and drink whatever I wanted. The best part was being able to labor in the tub (which I'm glad I go to use since I ended up in the hospital). Around 7pm our midwife noticed I was getting a fever and both baby and I had tachycardia(high heart rates).  She also thought I might be getting an infection. After all my planning and research on how to have a natural childbirth I was going to be taken to the place I said I never wanted have my baby... The hospital. I was so scared. I had been low risk the whole pregnancy and now something was wrong.  We began to pray. Not knowing if baby and I would be ok. When we arrived at the hospital the staff  we're very rude to me and almost mocked me for wanting a natural childbirth. I just kept praying lord let this baby come soon. And she did come eventually Via emergency c-section early the next day. I didn't get to see her right away. I had to ask my husband to take a picture of her while they were checking her because I wanted to see her so bad. I didn't get to hold her like I had been wanting to do for so long. My baby was crying and I couldn't comfort her. I was hurting. One of the most magical moments of a mothers life was taken away by bright lights and surgeons. As I started recovering I tried to express how I felt to some of my family and close friends. I just wanted someone to understand what I was going through. Instead I was told just be happy you and baby made it out ok. All I could do was turn to Jesus in my pain. His words were healing to my soul. I loved reading psalm 46 during my weeks of recovery.  When emotions of anger rose up regarding my daughters birth I would begin to worship Him. I worship Him because He not only saved me from sin and death but is also there comforting me in my pain. 

Birth trauma and PostPartum depression is a real thing women go through everyday. If you have gone through a traumatic birth experience or struggle with PPD, I encourage you to cling to Christ. He is the only one that can heal your broken heart and breath life into dead bones. Find someone you can talk too and pray with. The hurt may not go away. Sometimes when I think about my birth experience I still get emotional and cry. But it does get easier. When you find yourself hurting turn to His word and worship. 

If you are a friend or family member of someone who has been trough a traumatic birth or struggles with PPD, the worst thing you can say is just be happy you and baby are ok. The mom is very grateful she and baby are fine but that doesn't take away the pain of a birth experience unwanted. Just listen to them. Pray with them. Point them to Christ and the power of the gospel.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” The Lord
of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah (Psalm 46:1-11 ESV)


18 comments:

  1. Our plans are often disrupted, those that trust in the Lord will be given strength to persevere which He has done for you. I don't think people understand that telling anyone with any kind of depression that is chemical in nature like PPD to "be happy" isn't helpful. I know people mean well and are trying to list the positives. The greatest gift a person can give to someone with depression is to LISTEN.... While you missed the moment you dreamed of... The Lord will now give you moments you NEVER dreamed of... and more :) Love You and thanks for sharing

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  2. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing such an intimate experience.

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  3. I know what you mean! I longed to have a natural birth- no drugs, do devices, just my body doing what it was made by God to do. Welp- I have had 4 healthy babies and 3 c-sections (we had twins). I will never get to experiance what it is like to hold my baby right after s/he is born. I still get upset about it to! But you are right, Jesus heals all wounds, even those that are unseen. Thank you for sharing your story. Your daughter is beautiful. Blessings!
    Stopping by from Mama Moment Mondays.

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    1. Hey thanks for stopping by, I am a twin myself. Praise God for giving us strength to indure trials.
      Grace and Peace to you and your family

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  4. I'm glad you shared your story. My babies were born by c-section and I have some understanding of your feelings. Both the body and the hopes/expectations are traumatized. The words that are said during the experience can burn deeply. I still remember the words and rude behavior of the doctor during my first labor. Labor and birth is an especially sensitive time for a woman. You are right to turn to the Lord for comfort. It is also helpful when we find another woman that understands.

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    1. Hi Carol, yes God brings so much comfort, i am humbled he lets us turn to him for hope
      blessings my friend

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  5. I had PPD badly with my last child. It was awful and people just didn't know what to say..often saying things that seemed obviously "duh" yet, they flew out of their mouths!
    I am glad that you and baby are ok... and I know you are to.... that doesn't make the hurt go away...
    I remember once my old Pastors wife told me that I wasn't TRULY thankful for what I had because I had PPD. I WAS thankful. VERY VERY thankful. My baby was born VERY sick and she was well and alive and finally home.. but, I was sad, and I couldn't shake it. All I could do was cling to Christ.
    she is beautiful

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    1. Kristy thank you for sharing some of your story. You will be able to encourage other women who may be in your similar situation. God bless you and your family

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  6. I'm so sorry that you had such a difficult time. I'm so grateful that you were able to turn to Christ in you pain. That you were able to cling to him, and know he was there in that difficult time, is a wonderful thing.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story with Adorned From Above's Link Party.
    Have a great weekend.
    Debi and Charly

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    1. Thank you for stopping by, its so nice to have my family in Christ support and love on women who are or have been hurt.
      Grace and peace

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  7. ((hugs)). My traumatic birth was my natural homebirth. My son was a shoulder dystocia and he now has a lifelong injury. When he was brought back to life, I was thankful (and am), but the whole thing did shake me up, rip me up and break me (both literally and figuratively), and make me reconsider my previous notions. I wrote a little about the birth here: http://raisingcropsandbabies.blogspot.com/2013/07/my-homebirth-trauma-flashback.html . It was difficult to grieve because so many of my friends homebirth and are uncomfortable listening to "negative" stories and others think I should have been in the hospital (I should have been... it never would have happened there... too many indications of a needed c/s). Anyway, I think it takes years to grieve (though I was in denial for a long time which didn't help).

    For me, part of my healing was facing my fears and going with the path that God led us to... c-sections. I've had 3 c-sections since my first son's birth (I wrote about them on my blog) and while they are not what I want (in the way of me, me, me), they are needed so I can have healthy babies. And after having an unhealthy, disabled baby... a healthy baby seems like the biggest blessing a mama can have. Talk about two different worlds though... from homebirth to c-sections!

    I'm sorry you were treated badly. After some searching during my second pregnancy, I found a doctor and a hospital I'm at home with/in and have been treated so wonderfully. I hope you are able to find that for your next babies and if you are a good candidate for a vbac, you are able to achieve it, and if not, then your next c/s is better (my 2nd one was in terms of healing up and me knowing what to do differently... actually my 2nd c/s-3rd baby was my favorite, best c-birth!).

    Something else that has helped me is realizing that in 20 years, we won't really care how our babies come out. Right now, it's such a big thing (with all the hormones and being in the trenches of it all), but later on... it won't be. My mom helped me see that. I have also learned to not put so much stock and self esteem in my body. We are natural and, thus, fallen and broken. Birth is an awesome thing, but I totally suck at it. Through the years, I'm learning bit by bit to not let that fact make me feel bad. It is what it is. Thank God for my c-sections. :) I have chosen to look at it: that instead of bright lights and OR rooms taking away a natural birth experience, those bright lights and OR rooms enable me to go home with a live, healthy baby in my arms.

    I'm glad you and your little one are both safe and sound. And I hope, in time, you heal up. It's rough to go through something unwanted. It makes us grow and learn and that is painful (at least it is in my experience... but I was proud and arrogant before my homebirth).

    Blessings.

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  8. Thank you for sharing this, I needed to hear that, a different perspective on c sections, I am coming to terms with the idea of having to have other c sections for future pregnancies to have a healthy baby. Im so thankful for you sharing your story
    God bless

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  9. Regardless of your birth not ending up the way you planned, your baby is absolutely gorgeous and worth everything you went through. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  10. Healing from a traumatic birth experience takes time and effort. ((hugs)). And having gone through an unplanned cesarean with my first, I'm all too aware of that myself. I actually just guest blogged about how difficult it is to let go and find peace in regards to that birth experience this past month.

    To The Mom Who Didn't Want A Cesarean Birth

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  11. Let nothing steal your joy! You have a beautiful baby. Relying on God is the answer in all circumstances.
    God bless,
    Chris

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